Become A Child of the Universe...

Desiderata

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Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. 

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

 Keep interested in your own career, however humble, it's a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

 Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass. Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.

 Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

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http://lifesinterruptionsblog.wordpress.com

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7 Things You Should Say To Your Mate

My Advice….

 

Life’s Interruptions

 

 As we are going about our business and something new, unplanned, many times unpleasant, comes and takes us off the planned course we are, were on –Life’s Interruptions.

 

What do I do when life throws me a curveball?

What do I do when things don’t go as I have planned?

Ask Ruby  

7 Things You Should Say To Your Mate

If you have a healthy minds, bodies, and spirits the 7 things you should say to your mate should be uplifting, motivating and loving. You will never have enough money, and remember love is one of the most sought after treasures in life. Having a loved one, wife, husband, significant other, whatever you want to call them, to go through life with is invaluable. So, let’s keep them with loving words.  Start each rising of the sun and the closing of the same with these words, “Let words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, God you are my strength and my redeemer”. 

 After listening and talking to men and women in relationship, here are the phrases that they want to hear keep the sparkler in the relationship.

1. “I am listening.”
You might think he/she is overreacting or even over-analyzing, but in healthy a relationship, you should try your very hardest to understand your partner’s perspective. Actually listening to their feelings and leaning in to show appreciation for their perspective motivates and encourages their stake in the relationship and increases their value.

When your partner feel like they’re allowed to communicate their thoughts and feelings openly, it leads to commitment and love that builds your connection. Encourage your partner to express his/her feelings, Lean in and listen to understand why they feel or believe what they do or say, and consider saying something like: “You’re being brilliant.” “And now I once again can see why I love.” “And now I once again can see why I love.”

2. “I care now more than before.”
If any phrase is heartwarming, this is it. Immediate a big smile. It’s a clear marker on the pathway to long and loving relationship is when one or both spouses become interested in the actions, thoughts, and activities of the other.  Going so far as to tell your partner you are in the relation with all of your heart, mind, body and spirit speaks volumes.

It’s such a caring way of conveying interest, and a better option is to both sit down take a deep breath and to look deep into each other’s eyes and say what you’re really feeling. “I care now more than before.”
If you truly do care now more than before. .It’s a clear marker on the pathway to long and loving relationship.  

3. “You/I/We will always ______.”
Wow. If you’re saying something in absolute phrases (i.e., “You always”, “I always”, “We always…”) these phrases are truly music to your mate’s ears. If someone is doing it always and it gets to your mind, body and spirit every time they do it, then say this is music to my ears!  Sharing what “You/I/We will always ______.” And speaking in we phrases turns most person completely on or leads them in the direction that you want them closest to where both of you would like to be a trusting and faithful mate.   A mate thinks “I know how my mate will feel/think about the decision I am about to make. He/she trust me to always …”

Also another loving way to communicate is to always treat your mate as your best friend and partner.  Consider saying something like, “When you always______, it makes me always feel loved or that you will always care. I will always _____ you.

4. Nothing at all.
Saying nothing at all can be golden in your marriage.   When one partner says nothing at all, it effectively brings the mate closer and allows you to listen and lean in and hear, and feel, what he/she has to say. In this moment you have given and shown total respect and regards for what your mate is saying or feeling. 

Saying nothing at all, is an indirect approach to demonstrating to your mate that you are listing.  Another indirect to saying nothing at all is by holding your mate’s hand in your hand and lovingly look deep into each other’s eyes and say nothing at all.

5. ¨Divorce is not an option.¨
It seems obvious, the marriage vows  says “Let no man/woman destroy or threaten what God brought together in marriage. Divorce is not an option mean you believe in conflict resolution, which builds, makes, and maintains the foundation of your marriage.

When life’s interruption knock on your financial or bedroom door, try going for a walk or going to the gym. Clear your head. When you come back, you’ll be in a much better place to talk. To really get to the bottom or top of the matter seek counseling.

6. “Try, try, and try again.”

We all know marriages and truly meaningful partnerships are full time life situations and you have to try and try again. But when a person says I am sorry and let’s counseling, it’s like they’re believing and trusting.  It is saying to each other I love you and I want our relationship and marriage to work.

 Remind your partner and remind yourself that whatever it is, it may be hard or it may be difficult, and it may take both of you awhile. But the marriage vows are manifested in a relationship only if you truly believe what the marriage vows mean.  “Try, try, and try again.”

7. “I love you because? ¨
there is something about you that is so different from anyone else I have ever met. My life with you have made a big difference in how I deal with life’s interruptions. When we are together there is just that little something about the way you………..that reminds me of how much I appreciate  your spouse does do for you. It might just motivate him or her to do more of the same “I love you because? ¨ 

 

 

Dr.  Ruby Mae Chapman, The Wisdom Store, Napolean & Ada Moton Chapman Institute, Children’s Advocate, Scholar, Researcher and Writer - visit my blog:  http://ask-ruby.blogspot.com/ for more inspiring readings.

The Color Doll Experiments...Where are we today?

The Color Doll Experiments 

The Clarks' doll experiments grew out of Mamie Clark's master's degree thesis. They published three major papers between 1939 and 1940 on children's self-perception related to race. Their studies found contrasts among Black children attending segregated schools in Washington, DC versus those in integrated schools in New York.  The doll experiment involved a child being presented with two dolls. Both of these dolls were completely identical except for the skin and hair color. One doll was white with yellow hair, while the other was brown with black hair. The child was then asked questions inquiring as to which one is the doll they would play with, which one is the nice doll, which one looks bad, which one has the nicer color, etc. The experiment showed a clear preference for the white doll among all children in the study. These findings exposed internalized racism in Black children, self-hatred that was more acute among children attending segregated schools. This research also paved the way for an increase in psychological research into areas of self-esteem and self-concept.  Have our minds been changed?

today

yesterday

Happy Valentine's Day--Love is In the Air!

Love Is Such a Beautiful Thing

 

How Do I Really Move On After A Breakup?

Unfortunately, there is no quick fix to a painful breakup, but there are a few things you can do to try and ease the emotional pain.

Love is such a beautiful thing, but if you find that you are physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and sexually drained, you are fighting for love with the wrong person, now you are beginning to know, feel, and think that love hurts. Reality has now set in and you now are at the fork in the road; your relationship has ended and your heart is fully broken, now you may find that it is difficult to find that happy place you once were in before, thinking, feeling, wondering, asking, what will my family, friends, and co-workers think and sometimes all of the emotional craziness begin, shame, guilt, pity party and mentally, physically, and spiritually hiding.  Let’s get started!

Get Walking…..Exercise!

Exercise is like natural pain killers and are far healthier than brewing. Exercising is one of the best ways to produce this natural pain killers. Working up a sweat is not only great for your physical health, but your emotional health, too. So get to it!

Avoid Becoming a Glutton for Punishment.

After a breakup, memory lane during a break-up phase is a dead end. Do not become a stalker via social media or through any other means of communication.  Do not try to get the latest gossip through their friends, and do not re-read old love notes and texts, delete and trash them all.  When you are trying to mend a broken heart it is best to avoid everything that has to do with him or her and anything that reminds you of him or her.

Go through the Grieving Period.

But do not stay there!  What is done is done. Sometimes when it is over, it is over, and it is what it is, over!  Then you forget why you ended it and the emotional craziness start all over again. Then you start having doubts about your decision. Then you start thinking, “I cannot live without him or her” or “What is wrong with me?” This is called the grieving period, the rough time, but keep going forward and do not look back; do not back track. Think of yourself, your worth, and who you are! Then comes the breakthrough!  Re-vamp your living space and work space. Begin to re-invent your life imagine a new you and become that new you.   

Remember who loves you.

Your love ones! Call your friends and family and tell them about the new you.  Now you are in a position to uplift their spirit and maybe even make them smile.  Or better yet, become the sounding board or great buffer for them during a hard time.  And as the old saying goes, “It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all”. Give love another chance for the first time.

Marriage is living and Most Weddings are Poor Planning?

I wish I never had a wedding.

Sure, the day was great. It was fun and I was happy. But I was miserable for at least four months prior and a long time after. I spent thousands of dollars on one day. I could have put that money into a retirement fund, into a home, into a car or many other practical things. I think back about that time in my life and I had nothing but negative feelings. I regret having a wedding because it scarred me emotionally, it made me an angry person for too long and it wasted a lot of my money.

Twenty-Five years later, and I wish I did everything differently.

It's not that I regret being married. No way. My husband is great. It may not be all rainbows and butterflies every day, but I enjoy my life with him. He gets me, he lets me do my thing and I like being around him. I just wish we skipped the whole wedding thing.

I was always the girl who had dreams of her big day!  I had marriage dreams, career dreams and having a family dreams and was convinced I would have it all. Marry young, have my children young, maintain a career and family. Since I am already 50 and I have been married twenty-five years now I think I did well.

When my husband proposed, I said "Yes”. I knew he loved me and would provide for me for the rest of our lives together. 

I know this sound too good to be true.

I was in 25 years old and was stressed enough about finding a job to support myself. Now I am throwing wedding planning into the mix. We really loved each other with his "we can make it work" attitude convinced me that yes, we can plan this wedding.

When it came to the wedding planning, my biggest problem was being a fan of party planning.  When it came to parties, I want my favorite people to show up.  My mother had a whole different idea…some of my favorite people and most of her family and friends. What is that?

I thought I had high the jack pot when a graphic designer friend of my then-fiancé’s offered to do our invites as her wedding gift to us. I told her our colors and ideas I had, excited to see potential mock-ups. Days went by and I heard nothing. I found examples of invites I liked in the bridal books and sent them over to her, hoping she would respond to a follow-up call. I got a quick brush-off response. This went on until there were two months left before our wedding and I had to say "If you can't make this happen, you need to please, please, please let me know." She couldn't or wouldn’t make it happen.   Luckily, our families were wonderful, creative and had a whole lot of imagination.   We used a make-your-own invitations model. We enlisted bridesmaids and family members to churn out, address and stamp 200 invites on a Saturday night. While we had a technical difficulty with the printer halfway through, we were successfully able to get all the invites finished in one evening. Family and some friends actually mean well.

When it came to my relationship with my bridesmaids, I wanted to treat them as best as I could. We were all either in young, recently out of school or had low-paying or no paying jobs and I did not want them to spend a lot of money on me, especially on a dress, so I paid for their dresses as a gift from me. I thought the bridesmaid dress concept was great. Most of them are tacky, expensive and no matter WHAT the bride tells you, there is no way you are going to wear them again. I wanted my bridesmaids to have dresses that they would and could have a slight potential to be worn on multiple occasions.   I ended up finding the dresses while flipping through a copy of pattern book one day. It was a rainbow color full-length strapless dress made out of chiffon material. I thought it was perfect, gorgeous, and comfortable, would look good on all body types and could be worn multiple times.

Unfortunately, my concern did not translate to a particular bridesmaid. While I wanted to give my bridesmaids a pain-free experience, not all of them wanted to return the favor. There were complaints about the dresses, my organization and much resistance when it came to my wishes for what I wanted for my bachelorette dinner party. All this, even though they knew the amount of stress I was going through with a wedding I was extremely excited about.

My bachelorette dinner party, in a word, was "breath breaking." My best friend and my mom tried so hard to give me the happiest night of my life, and I thank them so much for everything they did. They really were my saving grace during everything.

For the dinner party, I wanted to go to a male strip joint, after dinner. Unfortunately, two bridesmaids felts uncomfortable going and refused to get into the limo that was waiting.  I said, to them “If you don't want to go to strip club, that's your choice”.  

Eventually, I made the compromise that we would for get about the strip club and just enjoy riding in the limo that was waiting for the dinner party after the dinner.

Something that has stayed with me for years is:  you know how the bride is not supposed to pay for her drinks during the bachelorette dinner party? Well, guess how many drinks I had. One.  In six hours. I bought myself the one because it was becoming clear nobody was going to get me any drinks. Being young and unfamiliar with how bachelorette dinner parties work, I thought it was OK.

Now that I am older, I realize there is a special place in for guests who do not make sure the bride always has a drink in her hand and leave the bride and groom parents to pay their drinking bill.

Between the planning, the clashing with others involved and the whispers going on behind my back, the amount of stress I was going through was so intense that I gain 10 pounds leading up to the wedding. So many brides go on wedding diets, but my dress was already a size 14, so there was not much weight I could gain.   My dress that once fit great was now too small. I had to rush out to the dressmaker and have the seams loosen up.  

Even today, I have emotional scars from my wedding experience. While I have made up with one bridesmaid and our relationship is great, I have completely cut the other out of my life. I can no longer look at my own wedding photos with her in them without getting upset about the things she did to me in the past. And not just during the wedding. Looking back, this woman actually said to me she preferred hanging out with another person other than me because, she said "It takes the pressure off me   being less attractive all the time and I have been jealous and envious of you all of my life because I never knew my father." How sad.

I mean, think about that. I at one time could not look through my own wedding photos and be happy because of this person. I spent a lot of money on those photos, and for what? Thinking about that alone filled me with regret.

Today, I forgive her and right not I have let it and her go….my life, my family, and my friends are enough.

This article is an excerpt from the book to be published by Ruby Mae Chapman, entitle 

Life’s Interruptions.

Mindful Moment

Creating Balance
Today, we spend time thinking about our environments—at home and away—and find ways to make them more nourishing and peaceful.

Consider those things that you enjoy—the scents, sights, sounds—that bring calm to your mind and spirit, and warm your heart. With just a little bit of thought and effort, we can create environments that support our success and enable us to feel positive and alive. So, as you enjoy your home and work in your professional space, we encourage you to make those small, simple changes that will allow your environment to enhance your life.

Our centering thought for today is:

My outer world reflects my inner world.

We look forward to our time together today.

---

MINDFUL MOMENT

Take some time to examine your environment and consider those things you'd like to change. Perhaps it's time to sweep away some clutter, add fresh flowers, turn on some soothing music, or light a stick of incense. Remind yourself that your outer world is a reflection of your inner world and invite those elements into your environment that truly make you feel good inside.

Be Unique!

 "We wonder, What am I to do with my life? What is my purpose here? Does God have a calling on my life? God answers these questions through our natural gifts and abilities. He leads us to our purpose through the natural skills and unique talents He bestows upon us. God-given gifts are the skills a person easily performs without formal training. We derive great pleasure from doing what we are naturally good at doing.

If you aren't sure of your purpose just do what you do well, and then watch God confirm you by blessing your endeavors. Don't spend your life trying to do what you are not gifted to do. God keeps our world in balance by giving each of us natural talent and pleasure in doing what needs to be done for the good of everyone around us.

We know we are operating in our gifts and calling when what we do ministers LIFE to others. If what we do makes us miserable and fills us with a sense of dread, it's possible we are not in God's perfect will. God gives us peace and joy to let us know we are fulfilling His perfect plan.

I encourage you to look at what you enjoy, what you're good at, what God is giving you grace to do-and then let God be God in your life. He wants to flow through you in many different ways, but it may not be the same way He flows through others. Trust His ability in and through you, and don't be afraid to be UNIQUE".

Ask Ruby!

Farewell to Paris!

Farewell to Paris!

My companion for 15 years

Paris my mixed breed dog was given to me in

 in April 1987 as a gift from my nephew who

was leaving to join the Marines.

This little tannish white puppy was put in my

care and for the last 15 years we walked, ran,

he swam in every stream, pond, lake or pool of water

we walked by and when we finished our water walks,

Paris looked forward to being hosed down on the front lawn.

As he grew to know me and I to know him, whenever

you saw him, you saw me.  We knew when it was

time to wake up and walk in the morning and we knew

when time it was time to walk in the evening.

Paris knew when I was dressing for work, walking, or bed,

just by snipping the clothes I were wearing and he would adjust

himself according to what I was wearing….work clothes….short walk.

walking clothes….long walk and evening walks in between.

Paris would look into my eyes and I into his and I could the spirit of life,

loyalty and living.  Paris was a great companion to me.  We walked for 15 years.   

Paris and I walked 5 miles of more daily; during all seasons and all weather.  I hope I was a great companion to Paris as he was to me.

Thank you Paris for 15 years of life, love, living, and loyalty!

May –December Love: What’s Age Got to Do with it?

Dear Ruby: I can’t seem to please my boyfriend. He brags about everybody else except me. I try so hard to do things the way he like them, cooking, cleaning, shopping and etc. He never takes me out in public with him. I admit I don’t dress up around the house, but I dress up when I go places. I have the hardest time getting him to introduce me to his friends. I still don’t know half his family. I am only 60 and he is 45. Do you think he is ashamed of me?

--Confused in Connecticut


Dear Confused in Connecticut:

You are in a May-December romance. There is some recent research which suggests they do not work. But whether they work or not, they are increasing. The British Broadcasting Company (BBC) carried a report recently saying, “The number of women dating/marrying younger men has soared in 25 years.” And according to the U.S. Census Bureau (most recent figures come from 1996) during the 1970 to 1989 period the number of older women dating/marrying younger men jumped by 10 percent when compared to the 1945 to 1964 period. However, the bad news is that when an older woman dates/marries a younger man, she may be shortening her life. A study published in the scientific journal Demography found that while older men dating/marrying younger women tend to live longer, women who dating/marry younger men actually lower their life expectancy. The study was conducted by Sven Drefahl of Germany’s Max Planck Institute for Demographic Research. What Drefhal found was that when there is a 7-to-9-year gap between the man and the woman, the woman reduced her life expectancy by 20 percent. Conversely, the man’s life expectancy increased by 11 percent. Drefahl theorizes women may die younger due to the stress of their dating/marrying a younger man still appears abnormal in society. A relationship with a big age difference can be a challenge, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's doomed. Studies show that the ups and downs of May-December romances—relationships in which one person is significantly older than the other and also as long as the age difference is not too large, a May-December romance is acceptable. For example, based on research, an age gap of five to 10 years is a suitable difference. A generation gap of 25 years or more, however, should be avoided. There's really no good reason to date someone that's 25 years different than you. Research shows May-December romances, age gaps are okay, but generation gaps are a really bad idea. Avoid the pitfall of ever equating youth as the soul ingredient of romance. So, my answer to you is no. He is not ashamed of you, he is ashamed of himself; however, I've often heard that love should be easy, and that even the hardships shouldn't feel so hard. I believe there's some truth to the Cinderella fairy tale—your partner should be like a shoe that fits perfectly, not one you have to force because you want to live in a castle and wear a tiara. More than anything, dating a man 15 years younger should teach you to keep your eye on the essentials: Does it feel right? Is he kind? Do I love him? Does he love me? If the answers are yes, then nothing else really matters.

Boyfriend for Seven Years

Dear Ruby:  I’ve been dating my boyfriend for seven years.  We text each other all day, we talk on the phone all night, and we spend every weekend together.  He says he loves me, and I know I love him, but he never talks to me about marriage.  Do you think he’s dating me just for what he can get?

--Latonya in Illinois

Dear Latonya in Illinois:  I don’t know.  What is he getting? Most men only marry women they truly love and respect; and women who they feel loved and respected them. Research shows, men only marry women who require them to marry them and have demonstrated an expectation to be marriage.