7 Things You Should Say To Your Mate

My Advice….

 

Life’s Interruptions

 

 As we are going about our business and something new, unplanned, many times unpleasant, comes and takes us off the planned course we are, were on –Life’s Interruptions.

 

What do I do when life throws me a curveball?

What do I do when things don’t go as I have planned?

Ask Ruby  

7 Things You Should Say To Your Mate

If you have a healthy minds, bodies, and spirits the 7 things you should say to your mate should be uplifting, motivating and loving. You will never have enough money, and remember love is one of the most sought after treasures in life. Having a loved one, wife, husband, significant other, whatever you want to call them, to go through life with is invaluable. So, let’s keep them with loving words.  Start each rising of the sun and the closing of the same with these words, “Let words of my mouth and the mediation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, God you are my strength and my redeemer”. 

 After listening and talking to men and women in relationship, here are the phrases that they want to hear keep the sparkler in the relationship.

1. “I am listening.”
You might think he/she is overreacting or even over-analyzing, but in healthy a relationship, you should try your very hardest to understand your partner’s perspective. Actually listening to their feelings and leaning in to show appreciation for their perspective motivates and encourages their stake in the relationship and increases their value.

When your partner feel like they’re allowed to communicate their thoughts and feelings openly, it leads to commitment and love that builds your connection. Encourage your partner to express his/her feelings, Lean in and listen to understand why they feel or believe what they do or say, and consider saying something like: “You’re being brilliant.” “And now I once again can see why I love.” “And now I once again can see why I love.”

2. “I care now more than before.”
If any phrase is heartwarming, this is it. Immediate a big smile. It’s a clear marker on the pathway to long and loving relationship is when one or both spouses become interested in the actions, thoughts, and activities of the other.  Going so far as to tell your partner you are in the relation with all of your heart, mind, body and spirit speaks volumes.

It’s such a caring way of conveying interest, and a better option is to both sit down take a deep breath and to look deep into each other’s eyes and say what you’re really feeling. “I care now more than before.”
If you truly do care now more than before. .It’s a clear marker on the pathway to long and loving relationship.  

3. “You/I/We will always ______.”
Wow. If you’re saying something in absolute phrases (i.e., “You always”, “I always”, “We always…”) these phrases are truly music to your mate’s ears. If someone is doing it always and it gets to your mind, body and spirit every time they do it, then say this is music to my ears!  Sharing what “You/I/We will always ______.” And speaking in we phrases turns most person completely on or leads them in the direction that you want them closest to where both of you would like to be a trusting and faithful mate.   A mate thinks “I know how my mate will feel/think about the decision I am about to make. He/she trust me to always …”

Also another loving way to communicate is to always treat your mate as your best friend and partner.  Consider saying something like, “When you always______, it makes me always feel loved or that you will always care. I will always _____ you.

4. Nothing at all.
Saying nothing at all can be golden in your marriage.   When one partner says nothing at all, it effectively brings the mate closer and allows you to listen and lean in and hear, and feel, what he/she has to say. In this moment you have given and shown total respect and regards for what your mate is saying or feeling. 

Saying nothing at all, is an indirect approach to demonstrating to your mate that you are listing.  Another indirect to saying nothing at all is by holding your mate’s hand in your hand and lovingly look deep into each other’s eyes and say nothing at all.

5. ¨Divorce is not an option.¨
It seems obvious, the marriage vows  says “Let no man/woman destroy or threaten what God brought together in marriage. Divorce is not an option mean you believe in conflict resolution, which builds, makes, and maintains the foundation of your marriage.

When life’s interruption knock on your financial or bedroom door, try going for a walk or going to the gym. Clear your head. When you come back, you’ll be in a much better place to talk. To really get to the bottom or top of the matter seek counseling.

6. “Try, try, and try again.”

We all know marriages and truly meaningful partnerships are full time life situations and you have to try and try again. But when a person says I am sorry and let’s counseling, it’s like they’re believing and trusting.  It is saying to each other I love you and I want our relationship and marriage to work.

 Remind your partner and remind yourself that whatever it is, it may be hard or it may be difficult, and it may take both of you awhile. But the marriage vows are manifested in a relationship only if you truly believe what the marriage vows mean.  “Try, try, and try again.”

7. “I love you because? ¨
there is something about you that is so different from anyone else I have ever met. My life with you have made a big difference in how I deal with life’s interruptions. When we are together there is just that little something about the way you………..that reminds me of how much I appreciate  your spouse does do for you. It might just motivate him or her to do more of the same “I love you because? ¨ 

 

 

Dr.  Ruby Mae Chapman, The Wisdom Store, Napolean & Ada Moton Chapman Institute, Children’s Advocate, Scholar, Researcher and Writer - visit my blog:  http://ask-ruby.blogspot.com/ for more inspiring readings.

Happy Valentine's Day--Love is In the Air!

Love Is Such a Beautiful Thing

 

How Do I Really Move On After A Breakup?

Unfortunately, there is no quick fix to a painful breakup, but there are a few things you can do to try and ease the emotional pain.

Love is such a beautiful thing, but if you find that you are physically, mentally, emotionally, financially and sexually drained, you are fighting for love with the wrong person, now you are beginning to know, feel, and think that love hurts. Reality has now set in and you now are at the fork in the road; your relationship has ended and your heart is fully broken, now you may find that it is difficult to find that happy place you once were in before, thinking, feeling, wondering, asking, what will my family, friends, and co-workers think and sometimes all of the emotional craziness begin, shame, guilt, pity party and mentally, physically, and spiritually hiding.  Let’s get started!

Get Walking…..Exercise!

Exercise is like natural pain killers and are far healthier than brewing. Exercising is one of the best ways to produce this natural pain killers. Working up a sweat is not only great for your physical health, but your emotional health, too. So get to it!

Avoid Becoming a Glutton for Punishment.

After a breakup, memory lane during a break-up phase is a dead end. Do not become a stalker via social media or through any other means of communication.  Do not try to get the latest gossip through their friends, and do not re-read old love notes and texts, delete and trash them all.  When you are trying to mend a broken heart it is best to avoid everything that has to do with him or her and anything that reminds you of him or her.

Go through the Grieving Period.

But do not stay there!  What is done is done. Sometimes when it is over, it is over, and it is what it is, over!  Then you forget why you ended it and the emotional craziness start all over again. Then you start having doubts about your decision. Then you start thinking, “I cannot live without him or her” or “What is wrong with me?” This is called the grieving period, the rough time, but keep going forward and do not look back; do not back track. Think of yourself, your worth, and who you are! Then comes the breakthrough!  Re-vamp your living space and work space. Begin to re-invent your life imagine a new you and become that new you.   

Remember who loves you.

Your love ones! Call your friends and family and tell them about the new you.  Now you are in a position to uplift their spirit and maybe even make them smile.  Or better yet, become the sounding board or great buffer for them during a hard time.  And as the old saying goes, “It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all”. Give love another chance for the first time.