Showing posts with label self-vaule. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self-vaule. Show all posts

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Loving your own hair — that’s a powerful statement of self-acceptance!

Lets all join in loving who we are and loving our hair... naturally!

Hair has long since been an emotional thing when it comes to black women, or women in general:

“What style is best?”

 “What are the best products for may hair?”


 “Where do get your hair from?”

 “Straight or curly?”

“Should I focus styling my natural hair,

or should I get a weave?”
These are only a sample of the number of questions you get when it comes to black hair.
More and more these days, many ladies are coveting curl patterns that aren’t their own, a trending topic that writer Ruby Mae is addressing by launching her “Love Yourself, Love Your Hair” Campaign–a call to action for women to start loving their own natural hair.
Prompted by questions from Around The World-"ASK RUBY "showing a little girls crying with a captions reading, I Don't Like My Hair! I want long straight hair!" “That moment you realize you like your natural hair,” the writer, author, and life coach,  Ruby Mae created a response to express her concern–but to also explain her views on the matter.
“I don’t want you to not like your hair. The reason I don’t want you to not like your hair is, you and your hair is from the school of ‘love', what you got is a combination of what your parents have, as far as hair and skin color. For most, the reason your hair is such a battle is because you are trying to make it something it isn't . Most people want the hair that somebody else has,” Ruby Mae says to little Black girls around the world and Black women in particular.
She goes on to say: “I want you to love who you are (yourself) and I want you to begin loving your OWN hair, naturally. it’s an inspiration for you to love your OWN hair it allows you to begin to love your OWN self.”
Loving your own hair — that’s a powerful statement of self-acceptance to share with all the beautiful women in your world. Love yourself and your hair will follow!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Let's Strive for Win/Win!

Isn't Common Sense Enough?

 We have all seen very successful people who didn’t appear to be very bright. Yet, when the window of opportunity opened up, they knew what to do. What do these people have that extremely intelligent people lack? Could it be common sense?
I know a number of people who have very high IQs. In fact, I know a gentleman who was classified as a genius at the age of four. When you speak to him, you know in less than five minutes that he is super smart. However, he appears to lack certain human relation skills. As a result, he is having a difficult time finding a job and is currently sleeping out of his car.
It seems, while intelligence is important to be successful, the ability to make things work is far more important. Perhaps it is because some highly intelligent people have a tendency to let everyone around them know they are the smartest person in the room. That kind of intimidation interferes with productivity. The smart person’s intelligence is used as a weapon, which results in many people licking their wounds after a conversation with them. In other cases, people are resentful and find a way to even the score.
On the other hand, there are people who have a propensity for creating a vision, enlisting others to support them and then create an environment that many people want to be part of. These people may not possess high IQs. They are the people who focus on workability. Furthermore, if these individuals are super smart, they develop the people around them. Instead of using their intelligence as a weapon, they may ask questions that will empower people to look at circumstances from a new perspective. They may even stretch people by asking them to accomplish goals that are over their head. Why? It creates coaching opportunities. In addition, when the person finally completes the task that was once too difficult, that person has increased their confidence, skills and competencies to take on something new.
Conversely, people who solely rely on being super smart managers rarely have the patience to coach someone up. They usually complete the goal themselves while thinking everyone around them is an idiot. As you can imagine, working with a very intelligent person who lacks people skills can be frustrating for everyone. So how do you deal with them?  Do we use their negative energy to empower us?
If done without maliciousness, straight talk can help eliminate the intelligent person’s dis-empowering behavior. You may have to say something like: ‘every time you speak to me that way I feel like I have no value to you. When I don’t feel valued, I am not motivated to work hard. If I am brutally honest with you, you just seem like a sore loser who wants to win at everyone’s expense. That’s unfortunate because you are so  smart. And I like working with smart people. I like you. It’s your pejorative remarks that are uncalled for.’ If I am not careful  with my words, will they think I am jealous?
While I understand it may take guts to speak directly to another person this way, at the same time, there are many cases when the best thing you can do is tell a person they are jerk. In all likelihood, no one has said it to them and they may have a false sense of security.  Am I to believe that  jerk s do not know they are jerks?
Relying solely on high intelligence can be limiting. The ability to make things work can be more valuable to create successful relationships, teams or organizations. When people work well together, it is a great feeling for everyone. However, to get there, it can be messy. If you are willing to take a stand for yourself and others without invalidating another, it can be a great tool for creating an empowering work environment.  Let's Strive for Win/Win!
Is having commons and using common sense enough?
What do you think? I’m open to ideas. Or if you want to write me about a specific topic, connect through my blog http://ask-ruby.blogspot.com/

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

There is no such thing as low self-esteem!

Could I have low self-esteem?

Dear Ruby
I look in the mirror, what do I see? I see someone who is tired, someone who is barely making ends meet living paycheck to paycheck, someone who is praying for a better tomorrow. I feel like a failure and others see me in this manner as well.  I want to feel great about myself then others will think I am great also.  I have all of the latest fashion, shoes, purses, hair, lashes, nails, and I feel empty.  What am I experiencing? What am I going through? Why is this happening to me? Do you think I may have a low self-esteem?
-- I Feel Empty in Newark, NJ
Dear I Feel Empty:
This is no such thing as low self-esteem.  Since the world has given credence to a word that has no meaning.  The words that have true meaning are the lack of confidence and an inferiority complex.   Your confidence is the "value" you put on yourself.  You have  acquired an inferiority complex and lack of confidence, here are some of the causes of both:  Being criticized; not receiving affection, encouragement, and support; Being or having been teased, ridiculed, punished, shamed, ignored, compared unfavorably, threatened, abandoned, rejected, or victimized; Being compared to others; and being continually reminded of your past or your future.
Take a look at the type of friends you attract - they are your mirror. Do they all have problems, or are they successfully happy people.  Remember the Law of Attraction works for negatives as well as positives. Just as happy successful people attract happy successful people, people with unresolved problems attract people with unresolved problems.
Here are a few tips and ideas to help you overcome both an inferiority complex and lack of confidence:
1.      Despite any imperfections you may have, you must love yourself. How can you ever feel great and full of life to anyone else, if you have no love for yourself? This is possibly the most important factor in overcoming an inferiority complex and lack of confidence. Love who you are.
2.      Look at yourself in the mirror. No, not your appearance but deeper. Look into your eyes. Your eyes tell a story. Your eyes are the windows into our souls. Your appearance is just the surface, but your soul is "who" you are. Get to know yourself all over again. Take pride in yourself and in all you do. Always feel good about who you are. Keep in mind you may go through hardships in you life but the way you choose to deal with your hardships is what makes or breaks you.
3.      Accept what you can control in your life. You must create your future by effort. No one can do it for you. Unfortunately, most people are looking for instant this, instant that, instant success and instant cash. Well, in the world today the only thing you can get instantly is failure. If you are not willing to work for your success, so what do you do? You give up and why? Because it is so much easier to fail than to succeed.  You have to take back the control of the life you deserve because you can achieve as much success as you want. You just have to believe that you deserve it.
4.      You are what is important here. Often without meaning to, your friends and family will handicap you with their opinions. You are not here to please the world; family; or friends.   You are here to please yourself. What others think of you is unimportant, but what you think of yourself is. You have a mind of your own; however seeking wisdom from your elders or someone who really cares about you is good, but randomly seeking others opinions should be done with caution.  So from now on you do what makes you happy and pleases you without seeking to hurt or destroy other people lives.
5.      Self Confidence needs to be cultivated - this is why the concept of personal development is so important - the basis of improving your own Self Awareness is you helping you.  Every time you achieve a goal, every time you overcome a fear or phobia and every time you choose a positive over a negative – you will feel good because you are improving your self confidence. Remember "Nothing succeeds like success” and that's the feeling you want to cultivate.
Now that you have a few tips about how to overcome an inferiority complex and lack of confidence: Lets talk about self confidence meaning, feeling good about yourself, not just when you have been praised for something, but all the time.  You are worthy of getting the most you can out of life, to be the best you can. So, the goal is to open the flow of success and abundance in your life by developing high Self Confidence, which means:   This is the way you talk to yourself about yourself. I Believe in Myself; I have Self Respect; I have Personal Worth; I have a Sense of Purpose; I have a Sense of Belonging; I have Self Confidence; and I have a positive Self Image.
Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”
Now go conquer the world, it is waiting for you!